Bandersnatch
by Crash Ichimonji
Summary: Crash is a lone Zoid mercenary who's short on cash. But when he gets a mysterious phone call from an ex-Zoid Champ, everything changes. PG13 for language and mature themes later.


DISCLAIMER: I don't own Pepsi, Zoids, or anything pertaining to them. I DO own the ACC's mentioned here, though.  
  
AUTHOR'S BABBLING: Well, here we are: another messianic, SI Zoid fic with absolutely NO point but to give the author an excuse to say how cool they are and how they'd be the best Zoid pilot if the thing was real. Or is this? I'll let you be the judge on that (no pun intended).  
  
Bandersnatch Chapter 1: Recruit "Underground. Ichimonji speaking," Crash sighed as he answered his phone "Yes, I'd like to order some information on a Class C Zoid team," requested the person over the phone.  
"What's the name of the team?"  
"The Neo Zaber Fang Team."  
"Gimme a moment," Crash sat back up and began typing on his computer, looking for some information. After a minute of searching, he found what he needed. "Alright, here's the scoop. The Neo Zaber Team members all pilot the original Zaber Fang Zoid models from 28 years ago. The Zaber Fangs are all out-rigged with 45mm Long Range Cannons and two thrusters on the hindquarters. The pilots are friends of the original Zaber Fang pilots. Their attack method is usually a total assault on all enemy Zoids at once, nothing special. Is that enough?" Crash asked in a bored tone.  
"Yes, thank you. How much does this information cost?" The customer asked inquisitively.  
"Hm…About 25 Credits," Crash figured. 25 could get him very little nowadays. Rent, bills, and food took up ALL of his money. At this rate, Crash would NEVER have enough money to fix his Zoid.  
"Alright, I'm transferring the data for the payment right now. And thank you for the information. I'll be sure to call again if I need your help for my next battle."  
"No prob…" Crash slumped down in his chair and hung up the phone. Crash Ichimonji was a young man of 18 and in a shit-load of debt. Crash was a mercenary whom few teams hired because of his quiet and creepy demeanor. Crash wasn't the most social of people either. Beneath his shaggy, dark brown hair, Crash wore a face of near perpetual boredom, as if he was hardened over the years by something. Many teams nowadays were also too arrogant to hire a mercenary. In fact, because of these teams, many mercenaries were quitting the business and starting their own teams. For Crash, Underground was all he could do until someone needed him for a Zoid battle. Just as Crash began to type on his computer, the phone rang again. Crash picked up the receiver and listened.  
"Hello? Is this Crash Ichimonji?" asked a calm voice that probably belonged to a man in his late twenties.  
"Yeah," Crash sighed. "Who wants to know?"  
"I was wondering if you'd be interested in-" Ugh… Crash thought. It's probably another telemarketer… "If you're trying to sell me something, you're too late. You see, I was just about to hang myself," Crash lied. This was one of Crash's favorite ways to screw around with telemarketers' minds. Everytime he did this, the people never called back.  
"Goodness no," the man laughed. "I'm a Zoid pilot like you. I was wondering if you'd like to join my team. You ARE still a pilot, are you not?"  
"Well, I'm currently an unemployed mercenary. I haven't fought in months. But yeah, I'm a pilot. What's your name, sir?" Crash asked.  
"Sajima. Sajima Denkigama. I'd like to meet you at…" the man named Sajima trailed off with the location of a rendezvous point. Crash ignored his directions and tried to remember. 'Sajima Genkidama…I've heard of that name somewhere…Wait, could it be…? YEAH! That's him'  
"Wait a minute. THE Sajima Denkigama?" Crash sat up in his chair with excitement. "You mean, you're 'The One-Man Battalion'?" Crash asked anxiously.  
"I WAS 'The One-Man Battalion.' I've been in retirement for a few years. Listen, please meet me at-" but Sajima was interrupted again.  
"You mean to say that YOU'RE the guy who single-handedly blew the shit out of 5 Zoid teams and WON the Royal Cup 9 years ago as the youngest Zoid pilot to win the Cup?! Dude, you're a LEGEND!"  
"Ugh…" Sajima groaned with disgust. 'This kid is hopeless…' "Listen, kid. I don't have time for this. I need to recruit a teammate within a few days. Are you in, or out? 'Cause if you aren't, I know of plenty of OTHER warriors I can hire."  
"Oh…Sorry about that. Yes, I'll join. Who else is there on the team?" Crash asked as he finally cooled down.  
"Just me. However, I may hire someone for tomorrow. That'll all depend on which of you show up. And don't worry, you WILL get paid for how much you contributed to each battle."  
"Why do I have a bad feeling about this?" Crash groaned.  
"Oh, and one last thing," Sajima asked.  
"What?"  
"Can you cook?"  
"As long as the food's instant. I think I remember how to barbecue, but-"  
"Good. That's fine. Now, I want you to meet me out in the Araquid Desert with your Zoid. The coordinates are 43.78°N Latitude and 38.87° West Longitude. Try to be there tomorrow afternoon between noon and 12:30 PM."  
"What? Why-" Crash began to protest.  
"Just don't ask. I'll explain when you arrive. You'd better get some rest. I expect to see you bright and early. Good bye," Sajima hung up.  
"Ok…This is getting WEIRD…" Crash concluded as he hung up the now silent phone. Crash checked his watch and saw the time. 10:48 PM… "Well, I think I'll call it a night." Crash switched his computer off and turned off his office's light. "Damn, I gotta clean this place sometime…" Crash looked at all the clutter in the room as he left, stepping over piles of magazines and trash. After leaving the room, Crash headed to his bathroom and took a quick shower; to keep the water bills as low as possible. After getting dressed for the night, Crash went to his red futon and went to sleep, still unsure of the great Sajima's offer to him.  
  
The next morning hit Crash like a bad hangover. Crash's landlord Mr. Chatham hammered on the door with his ivory cane at 11:40 AM.  
"Open up, Ichimonji! You're in big trouble!" said a scratchy, decrepit voice. Joel Chatham was a squat, wrinkled man in his late 60's. He usually wore a blue Hawaiian T-shirt over a white muscle shirt with a pair of brown corduroys and two black sandals. Mr. Chatham had a pouted-looking face with a reseeding hairline of thin, white hair covered by a maroon fedora. Unfortunately for Crash, Mr. Chatham was a man who said he hated the Zoid Battles because they 'Mock the hardships true warriors like my ancestors faced.' To top it off, Chatham was as senile as could be.  
"Alright, I'm coming…" Crash grumbled as he sluggishly crawled his way to the door, which was still being knocked on, and stood up to open it. "Mr. Chatham, if you've come for the-" Crash was stopped by his landlord's cane knocking on Crash's forehead. "Ow! Mr. Chatham, the door's opened! Ow! Quit it! You can stop now!" Crash backed away and rubbed his now throbbing head.  
"Oh. So it is. Now, where is she?" Mr. Chatham set on into Crash's house, looking all around for something.  
"Where's who?" Crash cocked an eyebrow at the little man shuffling around Crash's apartment like a chicken looking for some seeds to peck at.  
"The girl. I heard you talking to someone last night. Plus, I heard some bumping sounds here on the top floor," the bantam of a man turned at Crash.  
"What? I was talking to a customer last night. And the sounds were probably from Juichi and one of HIS girlfriends." Juichi Takahashi was Crash's next-door neighbor who was notorious for partying hard and making a lot of noise, with the help of one of his girlfriends. "Check all you want, sir. You'll find nothing." Crash yawned.  
"Humph! Don't you smart-talk me, you little ass. Just 'cause I haven't found her yet doesn't mean that she ain't here. I know, I'll bet she's in…HERE!" Chatham threw open a door only to find it housing a water-heating tank. Chatham slammed the door and waddled up to Crash, giving him a wrinkled up scowl. "Ok, so she ain't here at the moment. But I'm STILL gonna keep an eye on you, Ichimonji. So, don't get comfortable!" And with that threat, the grumpy Mr. Chatham walked out of Crash's house, slamming the door as he exited.  
"Jesus, I can't take anymore of this," Crash grumbled to himself as he proceeded to his kitchen pantry to start off his day. "Let's see, instant coffee or a warm Pepsi?" Crash wondered as he looked at his beverage choices. "Hm…The coffee would need the water, and I can't use too much of that. Pepsi it is," Crash sighed as he reached for the can and popped the lid, making it hiss with the escaping CO2. Crash walked to his living room and slumped down on the worn-out, moss green couch. He reached for the remote and turned on the TV situated across the room from the couch. An animated Deathsaurer walked across a blue background, faced forward, and fired a bright yellow flash. Instantly, the flash of light cleared, showing a young woman with short raven hair and a burgundy, long-sleeve turtleneck. "Good, Zoid World News is on," Crash realized, perking up to listen.  
"Good morning, and welcome to Zoid World News. Our top stories this morning include the arrival of a group of rookie teams now joining the Zoid Battle Commission. First up is the Fang Team, comprised of two Command Wolves, a Shield Liger, and a Rev Raptor."  
"Great, a bunch of rookies who think they can beat everyone with some basic Zoids," Crash sighed as he took another sip of his soda. "Wait, what time is it?" Crash suddenly remembered as he checked his watch. "11:50?! SHIT! I'm late!" Crash jumped up and ran to his bedroom and changed his clothes. Crash usually wore a red T-shirt; a pair of green, baggy camouflage pants; and two faded brown hiking boots. For the final touches, Crash parted his thick brown hair down the middle of his head, and donned on a pair of aviator-style sunglasses his grandfather gave to him when he was 10.  
"Next up is the up and coming Max team with-" Crash turned off the TV and ran out to his door, locking it from the outside. He ran to the elevator and stopped at the chrome doors.  
"Screw this," Crash decided as he flew to the stairway and jumped each flight of steps to consume less time in his travelling. He finally made his way down to the bottom floor, falling with a loud thud that sent sharp tingles throughout the front side of his body in undulating jolts. "Ow…" he got up and shook off the pain of his ill-planned descent. Crash grumbled to himself several Ancient Zoidian curse-words as he made his way to the garage hanger where pilots that lived in the apartment complex kept their Zoids. Crash took out his key from the front left pocket of his pants and undid the lock on the hanger bay doors. Next to the lock was a keypad where he typed in 7 different numbers that automatically opened the gigantic metal doors. Much to his disgust, some of the other residential pilots had shined up their Zoids and even hung flags displaying their team banners. Crash always hated these preppy-ass pilots who fought on teams. Looking away, Crash tried to ignore these smug displays as he climbed up the battle-worn and semi-rusted black and blue Command Wolf which belonged to him. Upon its back was a double-barreled 45mm cannon and the word 'Adios' painted on the side of each barrel. There was nothing wrong about Crash's Command Wolf; it was another piece of inheritance Crash received from his grandfather a while back. It was the fact that Crash didn't have the money to fix it up to become a better Zoid that made Crash depressed. Regardless, the boy could still raise Hell with this vintage model of a Zoid. Crash opened the hatch of his Zoid's cockpit, sat in his seat, and revved up his Zoid to full power. As soon as a window on his computer screen saying 'Command System Activated' popped up, Crash closed the canopy over himself and manned his controls, moving the Command Wolf out of the hanger with careful steps. The moment that Crash's Zoid left the hanger completely, Crash pushed a little red button on his computer console that automatically shut the garage door. Content with his actions, he headed out into the arid land fenced off by a five-foot tall, stucco wall. Expanding into the distance for miles was a vast horizon of red and orange desert rock and ground: the Araquid Desert.  
There was something to be said about the Araquid Desert: it was an easy place to get lost in and it was the WORST place to get lost in. Its cinnabar rock formations all looked the same, confusing many travelers. Another thing about its rock formations: they were HIGHLY magnetic. Any Zoids that strayed too close to those crags would usually short circuit and their command systems would freeze up within a few minutes. And finally, the Araquid Desert was MILES away form civilization. Often times, warriors referred to the Araquid Desert as "The Dead Zone." Crash set his Command Wolf to head to the coordinates given to him by Sajima and set his Zoid on autopilot. As the blue and black Zoid headed out into the desert, Crash tried to think of WHY Sajima Denkigama, The One-Man Battalion, was asking him to meet him out in the Araquid Desert.  
"He might want to fight me to test my skills," Crash guessed. "Of course, I wouldn't stand a CHANCE against his mad skill," he chuckled to himself as his destination grew nearer. From his computer system, the boy set his ammo and weapons on stand-by to fight at a moment's notice. "Hm? Is that him?" Crash squinted into the distance to see a blue and green Zoid. "Th-That IS him," Crash stuttered at the sight of Sajima's great beast of burden. As Crash neared it, he could see that Sajima was in an Iron Kong with two large, long-range assault cannons mounted on its shoulders. "Good, you finally came," Sajima appeared on Crash's screen. Sajima's appearance was just as Crash remembered it years ago on TV: long black hair held up in a ponytail in the back like a samurai; a face hardened like one who followed the order of bushido; and his long side-burns added to his semi-gothic look to him. "I see that you brought your Zoid and everything, too. Ok, let's move out."  
"Move out? Where the hell-" Crash protested in surprise.  
"We're scheduled for a battle about 30 miles from here. You and I are facing a Class C team."  
"Hold on, a second," Crash began. "You mean to say that you called me to come out here for a Zoid battle? Without TELLING me?"  
"Listen, I didn't have time to explain. I wanted to see if you'd be up to it. I originally called a different person, but they couldn't make it for a while. In a word, you're my trump card." Crash narrowed his eyes at the word "trump card," it made him feel like a used item. All was silent as the two Zoids stared at each other for what felt like an eternity.  
"What type of Zoids are we going against, Mr. Denkigama?" Crash broke the quiet atmosphere, grinning a like a hungry wolf.  
"I knew you'd agree…"Sajima chuckled lightly. "Follow me, I'll explain it all on the way," Sajima said as his Iron Kong started galloping on all fours toward the distant red desert with Crash following behind. "Until you get a registration card, you'll just have to be my hired mercenary. Is that alright?"  
"Fine, but I'd like to discuss my pay. If I'm going to be a mercenary for you, you'll need to pay me. I don't work for free, you know," Crash said as the two Zoids continued to run onward to their battle destination.  
"Ah, yes." Sajima remembered. "I'll give you 10% of the prize money if we win."  
"40%," Crash protested. "No less."  
"Hm…" Sajima thought. " 20%"  
"40."  
"30%. That's as high as I'll go."  
"Deal."  
"But you had better win. Our opponents are the Rage Team. A bunch of Class C smart-asses that think they're the best pilots to exist since the Blitz team. They have a Gunsniper, a Pteras, and a Lightning Siax. Think you can handle them?" Sajima grinned as they arrived at their location.  
"What, YOU'RE not taking part in this?" Crash asked.  
"That wasn't worry that I heard in your voice, was it Ichimonji?"  
"No, I was just curious. Just watch, I'll take out every last one of these guys in no time."  
"Well, get ready, because the Judge is here," true to Sajima's words, a white capsule suddenly landed 1,000 yards away from Crash's left side. The boy looked to his right and spotted two Zoids walking up toward him: a Pteras and a Gunsniper. Where's that Siax? Crash thought to himself. Crash looked back at the Judge Capsule as it began to open up.  
THE AREA WITHIN A 14 MILE RADIUS IS A DESIGNATED ZOID BATTLE ZONE. ONLY AUTHORIZED PERSONEL AND ZOID PILOT PARTICIPANTS ARE ALLOWED ACCESS. DANGER! DANGER! ALL UNAUTHORIZED PERSONEL LEAVE IMMIDIATELY!  
"Say, Sajima?" Crash asked after finally remembering.  
"What?"  
"What's the name of our team?"  
BATTLEFIELD SET-UP. THE RAGE TEAM VERSUS THE BANDERSNATCH TEAM. BATTLE MODE 0988. READY……FIGHT! The Judge crossed his hands across his torso to signal both teams.  
" 'Bandersnatch'? What kind of-" Crash began.  
"I'll explain later. Right now, you need to watch out for the enemy, because they're about to tackle you." Sajima explained. "Shit!" Crash cursed as he looked up from his computer screen and saw the Lightning Siax heading his way. "Ok, let's dance." Crash grinned again as he turned his Command Wolf around to dodge the black Zoid. "Huh? Where'd he go?" the pilot of the Siax wondered as he looked around his surroundings to spot his opponent. To his misfortune, Crash's evade sent him directly behind the Siax, giving Crash a perfect shot.  
"See ya, twerp!" Crash yelled as he fired several blasts from his mounted cannons, sending the scrap-heap of a Zoid falling onto the ground. "One down, two to go," Crash looked around for the Gunsniper but lost his concentration as a bullet flew dangerously close to his cockpit.  
"Damn! I missed! But I'm the great Max Stormer! No one can escape my shots!" said the arrogant pilot of the navy-colored Gunsniper stationed on a near-by rock mound. "You can't defeat me, you peasant!" And with that, the raptor Zoid fired off several rounds from its tail at the blue Command Wolf below.  
"Just a little longer…" Crash kept telling himself as he dodged the Gunsniper's rounds. "He should feel it any second,"  
"HAHAHA! Huh? My Command System's frozen! But how?" the pilot yelled as he looked at his screen. "This just can't happen. I'm the great-"  
"Shut up, rookie!" the annoyed Crash said as he fired several cannon rounds into the main body of the Gunsniper from below. "If you want to know, it's the rock formation you're standing on."  
"What? How's that-" the pilot demanded.  
"It's VERY magnetic. Your computer froze up because the magnetic fields all around it made it short circuit. Next time, KNOW your terrain, kid." Crash headed off to find the Pteras. "Hm…I wonder if Sajima found him yet." Crash looked around as he trailed off toward a red gulch. "Sajima, come in," Crash opened his communication line.  
"Sajima here, where are you, Crash?" Sajima's face appeared on Crash's screen.  
"In some low ditch about a mile from where we started. I've already taken out the Siax and the Gunsniper. Have you seen the Pteras anywhere?"  
"I'm afraid not. Listen up, meet me at where you knocked out that Siax. We'll plan our attack from there, OK?"  
"Gotcha," Crash switched off his line and headed out for the location Sajima specified. Crash checked his radar. Nothing within his perimeters. "Hm…It's quiet, TOO quiet…" Crash realized as he continued. But before his radar could detect it, a flash of blue and white flared past Crash, knocking the Command Wolf down with a sonic boom.  
"Haha! Feel the wrath of the mighty Derek Lightning! The fastest thing since the Wild Eagle!" proclaimed another cocky voice. This time, it came from the Pteras.  
"Loser," Sajima sighed as he appeared from out of nowhere and blasted his shoulder cannons into the left side of the air-born Zoid, sending it careening into the ground.  
BLAIR!! THE BATTLE IS OVER! THE BATTLE IS OVER! THE WINNER IS….THE BANDERSNATCH TEAM! The Judge said as it raised its left hand, signaling the Bandersnatch Team's victory. Immediately, the Judge Capsule closed its top hatch and rocketed toward the sky.  
"Sajima! Where'd you come from?" Crash demanded as he appeared on Sajima's screen.  
"I decided to use you as bait for that idiot. If I told you my plan, you wouldn't have gone along with it," The veteran warrior smiled.  
"Grr…I still get paid though, right?" Crash scowled.  
"Of course you do," Sajima reassured his partner. "You've proven yourself worthy of being a member of the team Bandersnatch. I'll get the Gustav to pick us up by remote control. Does that sound OK?"  
"Sure. I can't move anyway. Where are we going from here?"  
"We'll head to your place and get your stuff. You'll be living with me at my home from now on."  
"I should warn you," Crash began. "My landlord HATES Zoid pilots like us. In fact, he hates me more than anything else. So, he may not approve of your presence."  
"Heh, don't worry. I'm sure he'll agree if he doesn't have to deal with YOU anymore."  
  
To Be Continued…  
  
NEXT TIME: For our future matches, Sajima says we need a mechanic to fix our Zoids up and a warrior who specializes in sniper-combat. So, Sajima is interviewing the mechanics while I get to test the pilots by fighting them. Wait a second! I have to FIGHT these guys one-on-one? That WASN'T in my contract for joining this team! Next time on Zoids Bandersnatch: SNIPER ON THE HILL- the trials for a new teammate. Ready…FIGHT! 


End file.
